Another excellent day.
I'm burned from being on the lake too long,
but I don't even care.
I never thought I'd get on a jet ski, much less drive one and today I did both!
With James helping me of course.
I have to admit, him launching me off the jet ski was pretty funny
(not to mention a good excuse to kiss me and make up for it)
Family loves him, no surprise, so we're good there.
BUT SOMETHING STILL DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.
UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.
Why can't I just like guys as much as I like girls?
I feel awful cause I don't get butterflies when I'm with him.
And I get excited to see him, but think of other things when he's around.
I think I'm gonna have sex with him though.
Hopefully that'll make me feel more connected to him
Maybe that'll make me straight.
It's my last attempt at living a normal, heterosexual life.
That's all I want is to be normal. I'd give anything.
Even my virginity, if that's what it takes.

Oh goodness. What a mess I've managed to get myself in.