lmao, here we go again.

I know you say he's just a friend and you know what, maybe he is.
For now.
I know whats gonna happen. It's happened twice before, but ill play along.
For now.
It's all ready starting to crawl back under my skin, the jealousy i mean. And ill let it eat me alive.
For now.
Because feeling the pain is so much worse than feeling nothing. I'd rather be hurt by you than have you ignore me again. I'm not sure why I'm so dependent on your attention or desperate for your affection, but it fills me with such happiness...purpose even, that I feel withdraws when I'm without it. Like I can't function properly without you in my life. You occupy my thoughts so often, you maintain a permanent residency within my skull. You haunt it. I should hate you after everything you've done to me. But you know I never could and that's what's so terrible about me. Forgiveness is my biggest flaw. You think I'm stupid and don't know you like the back of my own fucking hand, you're absolutely wrong. If you end up with him Amanda I swear to God on my fucking soul, I will remove you from my life permanently so you can't hurt me anymore. This is your last chance. I'm praying you don't take advantage of me. Why don't I feel like prayers are gonna be enough? Maybe because I'M not enough.