I can do friends with benefits.
(Though I'd rather the benefit be us ending up together)
I can handle the people talking behind our backs.
(Though I wanna beat their fuckin faces in til they can't speak anymore)
I can get through the day, only kissing you once in my car.
(Though I want so much more the very moment your lips leave mine)
But what I can't do is lie.
I lie when I say that it doesn't bother me when you say his name.
Or when you tell our friends you're just "too in to guys".
Or when I wanna grab your hand, but I can't around people.
Or the fact that you're always the first to pull away from a kiss.
Or the fact that when I say I'm not getting in to deep,
the truth is that :

this situation is drowning me alive.

I never wanted anyone to know that,
but I think it's quite obvious.
I don't want to feel, so I won't.
I'll ignore it.
I'll accept every hug, every late night conversation,
every smile, every lingering stare
every laugh, every lip bite,
every kiss where I'm pulled in by my shirt
and enjoy it until it's gone.

But I'm so scared of not knowing
if each time will be the last time