I can't live, I can't breathe unless you do this with me

I was driving home today. I saw the road, but I wasn't paying attention.
My mind was a million miles away in some pissed off world.
I felt my tires slowly pulling to the left.
I thought about it.
I wondered what it would be like to not fix the wheel and just let that truck plow into me.
Maybe id be thrown from the car. Maybe id be crushed to death. Maybe...
I almost didn't correct it. Today, I was gonna let myself go.
Then I looked to my right and saw Faith. Beautiful little Faith.
I couldn't put her through that for my own selfish reasons.

Today took everything out of me.
I'm angry, so fucking angry. I'm actually crying right now...
Maybe I'm not angry. Maybe I'm just scared. Terrified.
Terrified because I don't have any of this figured out like everyone else does.
They're all ready to move on and I'm struggling to keep up.
I don't want change. I don't want to grow up.
I've only got 17 days left to be a kid. No. It's not fair.
IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR.
I'm not going anywhere in life. High school is all I have and its being taken from me.
It was here and gone in a second.
justlikethat
Let's face it;
I'll never see these kids I've grown to love again.
I'll never have friends like them.
I'll never laugh as hard as I did when I was with them.
I'll never confess everything to anyone like I did them.
I'll never feel that constant acceptance, belonging and love that I felt with them.
It's all gone.
This is a stab in the chest & I'm bleeding out quickly.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know if I can do this.
I don't know...I just don't know.
This has all happened too fast. I want it all back. I don't want to let it go.
I don't want to let any of it go.