It happened again. I had another tossy-turny night.
I couldn't sleep because of the unbearable heat of my room, last night.
I woke up every hour freaking out and it was awful.
But I won't go in to more detail.

My blog is becoming a place where I can't say everything I want to.
i'm getting too scared to say what I actually need to say.
I'm afraid of eyes reading this and judging me.
I don't want a certain person to read every little detail of the things I think of them.
I don't want them to know some things.
I don't want them to know what I'm feeling.
I don't want them to understand me on that level.
I need a secretive place to let myself go.
I need a capsule that I can throw all my stupid thoughts in to.
I need a place to be reckless and crazy and do and say whatever the fuck it is I want to
without the hesitation and censoring I feel and have to do on here.

Wanna know something?
Whenever I can't get a song out of my head, I always write the lyrics down.
That way, they can get out of my head and on to a piece of paper.
Sort of like a transfer, if you can understand what I mean.
After I move the words from my head to the paper,
I crumble it up and throw it away and the song gets out of my head.
I just forget about it, I guess. Funny, right?
Well that odd concept got me thinking.
If I can do that with song lyrics, why not actual thoughts?

I'm going to start writing my thoughts and emotions down now.
And do you have a clue of what I might do with them?
Well, I'm going to place them in a jar with a screw-top lid.
Once they're in the jar, they'll be out of sight out of mind.
When my jar gets so full that I can't put anymore notes in,
I'm going to re-read everything and burn them.
Or just burn them without reading them.
That makes it easier to forget things.
Destroying what eats away at your mind, that is.
I'm excited to do this.
Maybe i'll finally get a full nights sleep with a jar full of restless thoughts
instead of a restless mind, wrestling with thoughts.

[You're smile still makes it all go away.

I really hated seeing you today

only because it makes me miss you more.

I tried to avoid you, but I just couldn't.

I can't. I never could, I don't think.

There, now I've said too much again.

Fuck me, man. Fuck me all to hell and back]